


Fears and Realizations

by orphan_account



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-12-01
Updated: 2000-12-01
Packaged: 2019-05-15 12:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Another person learns of Toby and CJ's relationship, and they admit something very important to each other.





	Fears and Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

Disclaimers: The West Wing and it's characters are the property of Aaron Sorkin, Warner Brothers and NBC. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Another person learns of Toby and CJ's relationship, and they admit something very important to each other.

 

Choosing what to wear for a first date shouldn't be such a hard thing to do, CJ thought as she was trying to find something to wear. She ran around her room trying on dresses until she finally decided on a green sleeveless one. She looked at the clock, and realized that she only had a few minutes before Toby was supposed to arrive. She couldn't understand why she was so nervous. She had known him for years, and they had been involved for months. So why was she nervous about going out on a date with him? Maybe I should have left things alone, she thought. Our relationship was fine the way it was. We had no problems. I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe, I should call him and just call it off, she thought. No, that's not the solution.

"CJ." She heard him call as he opened the door.

"It's at moments like this that I hate myself for giving him a key." She said to herself. To him, she said, "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay."

She finished putting her jewelry, checked her reflection in the mirror one last time, and went into the living room.

Toby was looking out the window when she came into the room. He turned as soon as she came into the room. "You look nice." He said.

"Is that all you can say, I look nice?" CJ laughed.

"My very extensive vocabulary is escaping me at the moment. So, yes that is all I can say."

"We don't have to do this you know." CJ said.

"What go on a date?"

"Yeah."

"I think it will be fun."

"Okay."

Toby walked over to her, and placed his hands on her arms. "You're nervous, aren't you?"

"Yeah." She admitted.

"It's going to be okay. We'll have a nice quiet dinner. It won't be anything eventful."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Insomnia is never a pleasant thing to suffer from. CJ tried to lay very still, so she would not disturb Toby. Their date had gone very well. She had worried about it changing their relationship, that somehow they would discover they were not compatible. It hadn't happened that way, however. Somehow she had been able to put her worries aside and enjoy the evening. She wished that she could do that now. Even a small amount of sleep would be welcome, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. It was such a small thing to worry about, or maybe it was a major thing. She really wasn't certain which it was. Whatever it was it seemed that she was destined to spend a sleepless night because of it. She wasn't certain why she had realized it that night. It had to be something that she had been feeling for a long time. Somewhere along the way, she wasn't certain of when or even how. She had fallen in love with him. Irrevocably and hopelessly in love with him. It had been disconcerting to realize it. She didn't want to rely on him at all. She had always been a very independent person, and she didn't want to lose that. However, the very independence that she prized so highly had ended many of her earlier relationships. She didn't want that to happen this time. It really scared her, how quickly she had fallen in love. She didn't know what to do. Should she tell him she is in love with him? Or would that just scare him? She knew that it scared her, and she had no reason to think that he would not feel the same way. She thought of how she would feel if he were to tell her he is in love with her. It would scare her, she was certain of that. She really wasn't ready for the relationship to become so serious. She wondered if she would have been thinking this way if she had not suggested they start dating? It was a question that she didn't know the answer to. One thing she did know was that whatever they have had been sound and secure before she had suggested that. She was afraid of losing him, and that scared her even more than loving him. It made her somewhat dependent on him, and she didn't like that at all.

When she felt Toby move she realized that she had not been as still as she thought she had been. Sighing, as she felt him touch her, she turned and did the only thing she could think of, she kissed him passionately. At least this aspect of their relationship was not confusing. As he pulled her to him, she allowed herself to become lost in his touch, and in his kisses. She was safe and secure, and for the moment that was all that mattered. She would sort out the rest of it later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a slow day. CJ didn't know whether to be happy about that or not. It was giving her time to think about her life, and she wasn't really certain that she wanted to do that. She knew that she was happy with the way her life was right now. So did she want to change things by telling Toby that she was certain that she is in love with him? It would definitely change things. There was no way that she could be certain that he is also in love with her. Telling him how she felt could possibly scare him, and then she risked losing him.

"Claudia Jean." She heard Josh say.

"Yeah." She said as she turned her chair away from the window.

"I've been standing here for five minutes trying to get your attention."

"I'm sorry what did you need?"

"You looked like you were a million miles away."

"Well maybe I was."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"What do you mean by that?" CJ asked.

"Well I know that you are involved with someone. You won't admit to it, but it's obvious."

"It is?"

"Yeah, so are you and Mr. Wonderful having problems?"

"Okay, if I am seeing someone, and don't think for a moment that I am admitting that I am, what makes you think that he is wonderful?"

"Because you've been very happy lately."

"So I have to be involved with someone to be happy?" CJ asked.

"I think I'll shut up now before I cause you to be very pissed at me." Josh said.

"That would be a good idea." CJ said.

"Yeah." Josh said as he turned to leave.

"What did you need?" CJ asked.

"The memo on the education initiative."

"Here." CJ said reaching it to him.

"Thanks."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were times that it amazed CJ how well Toby knew her. He seemed to instinctively know that all she needed that night was to be held. He could tell from the way she was acting there was something bothering her. He thought of asking what it was, but was quickly able to tell that she didn't want to talk about it. So he held her, rubbed her shoulders, and tried to show her how he felt through those actions. Later, as she was just starting to fall asleep, CJ heard Toby whisper I love you.

"What did you say?" She asked.

"I said I love you." Toby said as she turned to face him. He spoke quickly as if he were afraid she would interrupt him. "I don't know if you were ready to hear that, but it's true. I understand if you don't feel the same. I don't expect to hear you say the same words to you. I wanted you to know that I love you."

She moved closer to him, and snuggled against him. "I never dreamed you would say that. Wait I'm not dreaming am I?"

"No, you're not dreaming."

"Okay." She leaned over and kissed him. "I love you too." She said as she pulled back from him.

"What?"

"I seem to be repeating what you have said. I said I love you." CJ laughed.

"That's what has been bothering you tonight, wasn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"You know that's not true."

"I do now." CJ said as he pulled her closer to him.

"I think we should stop talking."

"Oh you do." CJ said as she put her arms around him.

"Yeah."

"And what do you have in mind we could do instead?"

"Why don't I show you." Toby said just before he started to kiss her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps after learning the depth of each other's feelings, CJ and Toby became less fearful of everyone else finding out about their relationship. They were less careful when they were out together. They were still careful when at work, or work related events. Otherwise they just enjoyed being together. They didn't really think of what they would do when someone found out, but as time went on it became more likely that someone would find out.

They had decided to go to the movies one night. It had been a busy week for both of them, and they were looking forward to spending a quiet evening together. As they were walking hand-in-hand into the theater, Toby stopped and kissed her.

"What was that for?" CJ asked.

"No reason, I just wanted to kiss you."

"Do you know how sweet you can be?"

"If you ever tell anyone I'll deny it." Toby laughed.

As they stood there focused solely on each other, neither of them noticed Josh walking into the theater.

"Well, well this explains a lot." Josh said as he walked up behind them.

"What are you talking about?" CJ asked as she quickly stepped away from Toby.

"Toby's good mood of late. You not telling me or anyone else who you are seeing. Yeah this makes it obvious."

"What do you think is obvious?" Toby asked.

"That you and CJ are dating." Josh said. "Have a nice evening. I'll see you Monday." Josh said as he turned to walk away.

"Oh, my God." CJ said.

"Shh, we new that it would happen sometime."

"I know."

"Josh..." Toby said.

"Will tell everyone." CJ finishes.

"We'll handle it if he does." Toby said as he guided CJ to a seat in the darkened theater.

"Okay."

"It's going to be fine."

"Okay."

"We'll just enjoy the movie, and not think about it anymore." Toby said as he slipped an arm around her shoulders, and pulled her against him.

"Yeah that sounds good." CJ said. As the movie started she closed her eyes and tried to convince herself that everything would be all right. She felt Toby kiss the top of her head. She moved a little closer to him, and slipped her hand in his. Somehow, she knew that together they would be able to withstand whatever happened.

The end.

  

  

  


End file.
